I will be working at Stella’s so I will probably gain 500 pounds. Between the Mexican breakfast and the jam, I’m screwed.

I’m tried to relate to Marnie but I just couldn’t. This is the only thing she’s ever said that I believe in. 

whatshouldwecallgirls:

                                    

via helloxstranger

According to wikipedia - which we all know is extremely reliable. You can even edit the materials yourself. I once spent an entire lecture altering the details of Dolly Parton’s wiki page with my friend. Sorry, Dolly - the word KARAOKE literally means “empty orchestra”. 

My soul felt like an empty orchestra after Friday. 

On March 22nd, I went out to celebrate the birth of my friend Candace. Candace and I have been friends since we were three. We used to highland dance together. And by highland dance I mean that she took a few lessons with my mom and then went to a competition and instead of dancing when the bagpipes started up, she pointed at her hair and said, “Look at my bun!”. So that went well for her. Anyway, we’re still friends. 

So, we went to Limelight for karaoke. I have so much to say about the evening that I will now begin the point-form section of this post: 

- Arrived at Limelight at 10pm. (Too early. I liked that it wasn’t too busy at that time but there were already people singing, or as I like to call it shouting into a mic. Also, they don’t take breaks which makes the singing that much more unbearable.)

- Sat around and listened to an older gentleman named Tim sing (or butcher) “Summer of ‘69” and many other tunes.

- Had a much needed Budweiser. 

- Visited with some people I hadn’t seen in a while. It’s hard to even classify that as visiting because I could barely hear anyone. 

- Tried to block out the scream-singing…to no avail.

- Had another MUCH needed Budweiser.

- Had the pleasure of listening to my dear friends sing I Just Can’t Wait to be King. (Best performance of the night, by far.)

- Got hit on by a guy in a striped shirt and a Remy Shand hat…I didn’t think those hats were still in style unless you were a performer in Newsies.

- Went upstairs with Holly and Candace to get away from the singing.

- Got hit on by the guy in the hat for the second time. This time it was a little more exciting because he ran up to the three of us and said, “This is a stick up!” while pointing a tiny cocktail sword at us. Does that tactic actually work?

- WE LEFT!!! That was the best.

If I’ve learned anything from this experience it is that I will never be going to karaoke again unless I am incredibly intoxicated. I love my friends but my hate toward Limelight trumps that love. 

I apologize if this rant is negative and you were expecting a lighthearted blog post. Not my style!

Bye for now.

Oh, and just so you know, I wrote this entire blog post whilst on hold with TurboTax. Rock bottom is different for everyone…

I always considered myself a Charlotte. But what happens when you suddenly find yourself single like Carrie? Do you automatically do things that Samantha would do to rebound? Or do you put that energy into being professional and career oriented like Miranda? 

If I’ve already lost you, this blog probably isn’t for you. You’re either a straight boy or you’ve never cared enough about Sex and the City to play the game “Which woman am I?” with your girlfriends over Cosmopolitans.

After being in a relationship for a third of my life, I need this blog to help me sort through my present situation. I’ll write about anything that confuses me, makes me laugh, makes me cry, or makes me barf. If you feel you can relate, I’m happy to have you here. 

I promise, this post is the last with references to Sex and the City. I cannot promise that I won’t reference Girls. 

Thanks for joining me on my single girl journey. If you want to help me by taking me out for drinks, I’m down.